Helpful HR

Something you should know about Compaq.

Human Relations (HR) at Compaq had one job and one job only: make sure Compaq does not get sued.

Therefore, it was impossible to fire someone.

Example 1.

TB was a new hire. On the third day at work she came back from lunch drunk.

Not tipsy.

Drunk.

Four co-workers saw her drink 4 margaritas at lunch.

HR said it didn't count.

The co-workers might be plotting against her.

Had to be witnessed by a superior.

NOTE TO HR: anyone sober is superior to a drunk.

So we could not fire her.

We could "counsel" her.

After two or three more drunk sessions and counseling she finally quit.

But was never fired.

Or Compaq might get sued.

Example 2.

CM was a thief.

Everyone knew it.

Including his boss.

He bragged that he had one of every computer Compaq ever made in his garage.

He also drank vodka from water bottles as he walked around all day.

He was also accused of sexual harassment at least twice.

Once including groping.

Groping was a privilege reserved by Compaq for the VP of HR, Mr. Hands Gotcha.

Anyway, he was counseled and counseled but never fired for theft or harassment.

What was he fired for?

Seems that during an investigation into yet another harassment charge...

HE LIED TO HR.

Oh, my.

You can steal, you can grope, but you better not lie to HR.

When they finally fired him they said: "We know you have things that belong to Compaq.

Either bring them in tomorrow or we'll get a warrant for your arrest."

He brought back 4 flat dollies worth of stuff.

And this is just what he admitted to.

Makes you wonder what you had to do to get fired for stealing.

Example 3.

I had a tech I really needed to fire.

He was bad, missed work, rude to customers, you name it.

I documented everything.

Went to HR.

WHAT HR SAID:

"We need more documentation. IT'S HARD TO FIRE A BLACK PERSON. WE NEED TO MAKE VERY SURE EVERYTHING IS RIGHT OR THEY'LL SUE."

Me: "So, if this guy was white I could fire him?"

HR: "Yes. You have plenty here if he was white. But he's black so we need more."

Good old HR.

You could always count on them for support.